These girls.

I’m literally shaking my head.

These girls, Grace, Meg and Bianca, collapse into laughter so often and without provocation that the story should really end in a mental health diagnosis.

Three best girlfriends abstaining from sex in order to win a pair of designer shoes is a solid plot set-up in my book. The stage is so nicely set for girl talk, amusing nightlife scenes and romantic pickles that I’m even inclined to overlook that the events that inspired the pact were flimsy, at best.

The problem is, Victoria Michaels strikes me as a person who might make a turkey sandwich and forget the turkey. The girls laugh but no one’s told a joke. Sparks fly between them and the three perfect boys but no one’s done anything remotely charming. Then the boys, besties just like the girls, just happen to have personalities that complement the girls’ without overlap – and no one calls shenanigans when everyone pairs off without issue.

When clichéd or impossible events take place, I’m usually instant with forgiveness when the character says something like, “This is impossible!” Instead, I can hear Michaels whispering the whole time, “Just go with it.”

And I have to say: cold showers? Does anyone take cold showers for real when they get hot-and-bothered? These girls do. (These girls!) They do every 10 pages or so.

It’s not a bad book. I read it quickly and felt curious about what would happen at the end. If you relish happy endings and flirty characters, maybe you’ll even say it’s good. You certainly wouldn’t be the first – the book started as Twilight fanfiction and had an enthusiastic following.

Like Twilight characters, though, these girls are sappy and one-dimensional. They’re not going to leave you feeling inspired or empowered.

You’ll be more inclined to giggle (or just collapse) with a healthy glass of Velvet Moon Cabernet Sauvignon. It’s full-bodied and plumy – and the best $5 you’ll spend at Trader Joe’s. Two happy endings!